Bruised

Today was not too bad.  Good thing I stayed busy at work.  Was the exact day that our Beloved one departed from us.  The year seemed to go by so quickly but yet was so difficult for us all.  I want to thank each and every person out there that shared in our grief and supported us.  The journey of healing is not over but it does get easier.  As a part of the healing process, I often turned to writing.  I hope that this poem is received as being straight from the heart and encourages someone to move forward despite the grief.

 

BRUISED  by Monica Terry

20/7/2020

Dark scarlet resulted as capillaries burst underneath brown, supple skin as a result of the initial impact of the horrific injury. As the words, “Hu Neftar” departed from his lips I began to replay my life’s history.  What? Within 24 hours I need to come up with an obiturary?

Blue and purple brilliantly emerged with the tenderness of the skin that received blood into surrounding tissues as we stood and looked at the body before the funeral.  Reality setting in, nociceptors delayed sending a proper signal that was computable.  Stop!  Aren’t there loopholes in the CNS for situations so Immutable?

Pale green didn’t want to show itself so quickly, because that would mean time marching on without him here; as birthdays, Bar Mitzvahs, graduations occur and we all try to persevere.  Is time speeding up?  Maybe he knew the end was very near.  I would like to think that when he was brought back that he said, “Peace out Ya’ll, keep faith, nothing to fear”.

Yellow-brown introduces a new reality as old hemoglobin is absorbed and we make an attempt not to show the discoloration.  The fear that the old and new friends when we speak of him may think it’s an unhealthy fixation.  Really?  And I ask that with a bit of indignation.

Eventually, I know without a doubt that a Pure brown will emerge again, and perhaps other bruises will appear to join the colorful array on our skin; each one’s dermis displaying what phase we are currently in.  It’s bruises that make us who we are so we rise to win……time…. time….and time again.

 

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Photo credit:  Lifeat139a

He’s Intentional

I just made it 6 months and still waiting for it to get easier after the loss of my beloved husband.  I still cry, have anxiety attacks, feel like I may fail for a few moments, miss his strong voice and bear hugs, but through it all, I still believe that one day our broken hearts will be healed.  He filled our home and there was nothing we felt we couldn’t accomplish.  Every time I see an ambulance I go back to that day and begin praying for a good outcome for the person being carried away.

But here’s the thing that keeps me going…..I trust the Most High with all my being, and I know He has the big picture.  He does everything intentionally and he is faithful.  My Beloved Mykael gave his life, literally and selflessly served so that I and his children and many others would benefit from living in the Land of Promise and each day is another chance to get it right.  So when you begin to become doubtful whether you’re grieving, afraid or just doubting yourself, please know that all you have to do is, “Just don’t quit”, as he would say to me all the time.

Hope this song inspires someone to keep going and moving despite what you see before you…….isn’t that what FAITH is?

 

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Collateral Faith

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything.  My family has suffered a great loss in that my husband passed away suddenly a few months ago.  I pray that this brings someone else some comfort in knowing you are not alone in losing a loved one.  I pour out my feelings often on paper to help to deal with the pain, but what I realize is that even in tragedy, there is a blessing.  I hug my children more and tighter.  We tell each other “I love you” a lot more as well.  My faith has been made stronger…….I call it, “Collateral Faith.  It’s the strengthening of faith that comes out of a tragic and sudden loss such as this.  It’s giving into The Heavenly Father’s will and knowing that he knows and sees all, for He is truly perfect.  Rest in Power our Beloved and we will only say so long for now.

 

“Collateral Faith” by Monica Terry, dedicated to the late Mykael Terry

Woke up the same as any day, rushed out the door and we said our goodbyes and even, “I’ll check in with you later”.

But shortly after a few short texts to one another back and forth that morning, at the check-in time, still no indicator,

That something was going very wrong

That text or phone call never happened.  Although I thought it strange and out of our routine,

I dismissed it away as “He must have gotten busy or tied up with something”. unforeseen

But something was going very wrong

An urgent request to come and see what befell him ripped me from dreamlife to nightmare

What are you telling me, stop, don’t want to hear this news, impossible to accept and bear

And something went horribly wrong

You see he left us so swiftly that day that even now reality is still settling in

My best friend, husband, teacher, children’s father and plenty more he had been

For him, we will always long

But to see the collateral faith that has been gifted from his sudden transition

That faith that is made stronger after our tragedy, making clear to us his mission

Make those he touched exceedingly strong

You made us all wake up, level up and believe with our whole hearts in His Word

We will remember him always, Our Beloved Mykael-M70; your story will always be heard

Throughout your generations lifelong

____________________________________________________________

As a family and community, we know that we must continue to live to ensure that the work that he put in for our Heavenly Father does not stop with Mykael.  We show our faith by continuing.  This was a huge blow to my family, our community, and family and friends abroad, but the faith that comes by seeing how The Most High has kept us and knowing He will continue to keep us makes us grateful for every day.  It’s the hardest thing we’ve ever faced in our lives as a family.  Mykael was such a great father, husband, brother, friend, son and teacher.  We will remember him always.  I would like to leave with you all this song that I often play in the morning while starting my day.  It reminds me of Mykael who gave his all.  For those that grieve from the departure of a loved one, you are not alone.  My best advice is to find those that you can share your story with and let your loved one’s story be heard; let their memory live on in you and be strong and of courage.  The pain never goes away but it does get better.